April 12, 2008

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I'm unhappy today. I'm having one of those "I Hate Diabetes" days that seem to crop up every once in awhile. I don't know why.

Yesterday I was fine. Tomorrow, I'll probably be fine. But for today...today royally sucks.

There's nothing abnormal about today. Subtract my current emotional state from the equation and it's a pretty darn good day. Even my blood sugar numbers are good. But the negative emotions about having Diabetes crawled out of some dark place and are haunting me.

I need to test right now, and I will, but honestly, I'm over it. So over it. When will the madness stop?

It's days like this that tempt me to throw in the towel. Why shouldn't I? But I know deep down that Diabetes is doable. Millions are doing it right now. To get through it, I force myself to stay strict with my testing/insulin routine and my diet. Then I just allow myself to feel the emotion. You can't deny emotion. But you can choose to not let it take over.

Think of the people who have diseases that can't be cured. Diseases that take control of your body so you can't move, can't function, can't live. That's when I tell myself, "Pull it together, Sarah." With medicine and technology, us Diabetics have been given a chance to not only survive, but to thrive. We have the opportunity to accomplish just as much as our families, friends, and neighbors in this lifetime. And we only get one.

I've decided to feel the emotion for today. But tomorrow, I'm waking up happy, and I'm going to keep on living, one test strip at a time.

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