March 30, 2009
The past few weeks, my blog has been silent. I've been having what I like to call Diabetes Downers. This is when I mentally go through a period of pretending that I don't have diabetes. And so, pushed my blog to the back of my mind.
Don't worry. I've been testing my blood sugar, pumping insulin and eating well. I'm still in good control and taking care of myself.
Getting my Diabetes Downers is usually caused by going through a stressful period of time when my brain is consumed by thoughts of work, finances and house work. At times, it feels that there are too many responsibilities and this is when I secretly wish that diabetes was not one of them.
During a Diabetes Downer, it's like the part of my brain that helps me manage my diabetes goes on auto-pilot. I keep doing everything I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm not really thinking about it.
I have no idea if other diabetics experience Diabetes Downers in the same way that I do. In the first years after I was diagnosed, moments like these made me depressed and angry. I still have bouts of this, but I've slowly learned to channel it into something else. Allowing depression and anger to take over always led me to a place where I was no longer healthy, mentally and physically.
As I've come to terms with having diabetes, this coping mechanism has morphed into something that ensures my health and safety. I'm thankful I'm able to handle my Diabetes Downers now. Acceptance has been difficult, and while it may never be 100% acceptance, I'm encouraged each time I come out of a Diabetes Downer. I've made it through this round, and will keep on keepin' on.